New Baby Boundaries

Dear MrsM-We are expecting our first baby (it’s a boy!) in April, and we are so excited.  But the excitment over our little boy is being overshadowed by rude, nosy, and intrusive family.  We already have family members inviting themselves into the labor and delivery room, and calling to tell us (not ask us-TELL us) that they will be staying in our home ”for a while” after he is born to “help out”.  Am I wrong to be upset that I won’t get any private time with my husband and our new baby?  How do I set boundaries when they obviously don’t think there should be any?

It’s great that there are so many people who are excited about your new baby…but there is a BIG difference between “excited” and people who have no sense of decency or boundaries.  Now is the time to set up the boundaries-before they show up at your door, and while they still have time to cancel their plane tickets.

I suggest writing an open letter (addressed to “Dear Friends and Family” so no one feels singled out) and sending it out either through the mail or group email style.  State in the letter exactly what your expectations are, and keep it polite but firm.

For example: “We are overjoyed by the number of you that are willing to travel to share in our joy at the birth of our son, and we are so excited to introduce our little boy to all of you when the time comes, however we will not be accepting visitors at any point during our hospital stay.  We will call you once we get home and settled in to set up a time for everyone to come and visit.”

Also consider putting a sign on your front door that says “Thank you for stopping by, but we are not accepting visitors at this time” for those people that show up without calling…and don’t be afraid to screen your calls!

You are absolutely in the right to want bonding time alone with your new little guy, and setting boundaries in a positive but very firm way will give you some peace of mind while still making sure everyone gets their turn to meet the newest addition.

Congrats on your little boy!