Adult Children at Home

Dear MrsM-I am 18 years old.  I graduated high school last June and I am working hard to save up enough money to move out of my parents’ house.  I am a very responsible person-I do well at my job, I keep up with my household chores, I spend and save wisely-but my parents still treat me like a baby!  They insist that I have an 11pm curfew, and they won’t let me go on a date unless they meet the person first…they even took away my driving priveledges for being 10 minutes late for curfew!

I am a grown person, and I think that I should be allowed to make my own decisions! What do you think?

Well, you’re in a bit of a spot.  You’re right about being an adult.  Legally you are free to do almost anything you’d like (though you still can’t drink until you’re 21).  However, what is legal is not always what is right morally speaking.

You are living in your parents’ home, and I have always been a big believer in “they who pay the bills make the rules”.  It is their house and they have control of what goes on in, on, and around their property-if they don’t want to be awakened in the middle of the night by thier child (even an adult child) coming in at 2am, they shouldn’t have to be.  If they don’t want you to drive their car, for any reason, then they aren’t required to allow you to.

However some things, like the people you are dating, are your own business now that you are an adult.   It’s time to sit down with your parents and have an adult conversation.  Don’t get angry, and don’t accuse them of “treating you like a baby”, just calmly explain to them that while you appreciate their input on your life, and you agree to respect their wishes regarding their home/car/etc., the time has come for you to make your own decisions and your own mistakes in your personal life-just as they did once they reached adulthood.