Home For The Holidays

Dear MrsM-I am a 23 year old college student.  I have been living with my boyfriend for 2 years and we really want to spend the holidays together, but my parents are very conservative and won’t let him stay at their house while we’re down for Thanksgiving because we’re not married.  Because we’re both in college we really can’t afford a hotel, but I really want to see my family for Thanksgiving without leaving my boyfriend at home.  What can I do?

Firstly, I have to say that you sound like you are respectful of your parents’ wishes even if you aren’t happy with them.  Good for you!  I am a firm believer in the “parent’s house=parent’s rules” policy and I think you also understand what that means.

That being said, let’s talk solutions.  If his family is in the same area he could stay with them at night and you can stay with your family, but you could meet up in the morning to spend the day together.  There would even be the hidden bonus of him getting to spend some of the holidays with his family too.

If he has no family in the area, maybe you ask another of your relatives to put him up for the night (if you’re really close with them and they have met him before).  For example, if he has met your grandparents a few times and they all get a long, maybe you could ask if they have a spare room.  This would only work if they know eachother and get along though.

Another thought might be (depending on how far you live from your parents) driving down for the day and then back rather than spending the night.  If you are close enough to them to do that, it would ease some potentially tense circumstances and everyone would get some of what they wanted.

If there are no compromises to be found in this situation, you may have to decide what is most important to you.  There are a lot of reasons that you would want to spend the holidays with your parents, and lots of equally important reasons that you would want to spend them with your boyfriend.  As an adult this is one of the harder things to deal with-my husband and I still have to have long sit downs about where we are going to spend the holidays. 

Talk to your boyfriend, and your parents, about how you feel and maybe they can help you come upwith some other creative solutions to your Thanksgiving pickle.

Good luck-and happy Thanksgiving!