Husbands And Pregnancy

Dear MrsM-I am 8 months pregnant with our second child and my husband still doesn’t seem to “get it”. I am tired, cranky, and in pain most of the time but he can’t seem to find time to rub my back and feet or help me do laundry. I am so sick and tired of him not helping I am five seconds away from taking our 2 year old and leaving. How do I make him help more?

First of all, try to calm down. It sounds like you’re having a severe case of the pregnancy hormone craziness…it happens to the best of us. Most people will recommend not making major decisions while you’re pregnant-even cutting your hair is strongly advised against, so leaving your husband is a decision you probably want to hold off until after you have had the baby and are fully returned to your pre-pregnancy hormone levels.

Husbands are easy targets when you are all hopped up on “the pregnant juice” (as I like to call it). After all, THEY’RE the ones who got you this way to begin with, and now that you’re big and suffering the first thing you notice is how “easy” they have it-with no back pain, nausea, leg cramps…not even so much as a stretch mark…doesn’t it make the skin boil sometimes to watch them fluttering around carefree while we feel like giant beasts of burden? It’s no coincidence that they become the victim of the pregnant craziness.

To some extent it is normal to vent on your husband when you’re miserable. You are very emotionally comfortable with him and some part of you, subconciously, knows that he will forgive you your spicy mouth and bitter attitude because he loves you just that much. It’s still a good idea though to try your best not to go flying at him every time…husbands are still people with feelings even when we’re pregnant and don’t really care to hear about them.

Try to remember and appreciate the things that your husband does all day. He has jobs and responsibilities that he is taking care of too-and while they may not be as obviously burdonsome as being pregnant, they are just as important to the functioning of your family.

Also, try to communicate with him in a healthy way when you feel overburdened. Avoid placing blame on him, or accusing him of not doing a good job, but rather say things like “After a long day of chasing our son/daughter around my back really hurts sometimes. I know yours must too after a long day at work. Maybe we could trade back rubs and take care of both of our tension?” If your husband is anything like mine he will never turn down a back rub even if it means he has to give one to recieve.

When you do blow up on him (and you will, we all do) make sure to apologize afterwards…just so HE knows YOU know that it’s not his fault, but really that crazy hormone fog that comes with the last couple of months of pregnancy. Hang in there-your baby is almost here and things will return to normal soon!